INDONESIAN INTIMIDATION

Lost one of my favorite reading blogs recently due to a particularly nasty piece of intimidation. Although for most Indonesians, it’s difficult for them to raise a sweat about anything like that. Intimidation and being stomped by the powers that be is just part of their daily lives.

As an example here’s the last three days of my life involving arseholes we meet in our daily lives in Indonesia (and we are the sheltered ones):


1. Going to pick up goods a local outlet, pissing down with rain everyone is soaked. Can anyone load their vehicles. Nope three cars with government plates are parked under the cover at the entrance, whilst their arrogant owners sip coffee and laugh at peasants getting soaked as they are forced to carry their goods out into the rain... PIGS

2. Friend is selling TV, local copper comes around offers 1/3 of the asking price. When offer refused, copper waggles finger under her nose at the same time saying “HATI HATI IBU (Be careful Missus)....THUG

3. Knock on the door on Sunday (why is it, these idiots don’t understand if I don’t know you then don’t come to my front door you ain’t welcome, particularly on a Sunday)..Open the door, two Arab Wannbes “Hey Mister, You pay us to draw homage to Allah in Arabic Script on your Wall outside and later you have no trouble (ok that a loose translation, took me twenty minutes figure out what the parasites were on about)....WANNBES

4. Idiot two blocks down the road builds a car port on the road out the front of his house. Asked the princess regent, how does he do that and get away with it? Answer “Dia Kaya” (he’s rich therefore can do what he likes)....ARROGANT BASTARDS

5. Dispute with local business (they stealing from us). Arsehole comes around threatening staff and then me with the usual “You only Bule (White Prick) I have you deported because I have friends”....CROOK

As a matter of interest, actions on:

1. Walk into coffee shop order a coffee dripping wet and ask in a loud voice, “Who are the arrogant pigs, who own the vehicles outside” (and watch the staff go pale whispering it’s the XXXXX mister)
2. Nothing yet, told her if he rings back give my number
3. Assisted exit from the property
4. Laugh
5. Acknowledged what he said was true, asked him to wait and then came back and gave him his home address and informed him I would be sure to drop in and say goodbye if I was deported and again assisted exit

I can get away with acting like that to a certain degree, I suppose one day I will come undone but not really a bit deal. I will move to another job in another country and another Bule will come and do mine here (Business ethics and education of children ain't a priority).

Just imagine what it must be like for the normal guy in the street, dealing with crap like this day after day, year after year. You can soon understand when the lid finally blows it really blows in a sickening and devastating manner. You have to admire the little guys better men than I putting up with this crap day in day out..

I digress, the point of this post was with my favorite acidic and most interesting blogger gone it was all becoming boring. I have been hunting around for something to liven up the standard Indonesian blog world of Gadgets, Sycophants and Adrian Mole diaries. I think I have found a couple worth further investigation, see below:

GJ Jakarta , an amusing take on Jakarta life, fellow cat hater (which bodes well) obviously culturally well above most as he displays a love of the oval ball.

Also a bloke who runs around by the name of DILLIGAF although he seems to be a refugee from that high society JAKCHAT site.

DUNNO IF I WILL GET TIME TO POST FOR CHRISTMAS …SO MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!

P.S .. Did you hear about BENNY THE BROWN NOSE REINDEER…He is placed in the sleigh right behind Rudolph. He can run as fast as Rudolph just can’t stop as quick.

A FOOTBALL IS NOT ROUND

As you know I am a liberal, easy going bloke who is at home with my own thoughts and at peace with the world. It takes a lot to get me to rant and rave BUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT…

The bitch should be horse whipped within an inch of her life and placed in the village stocks for a month and then deported to the worst place on earth or a date with buck toothed, crazy ABB.

Over the top you may think, I can assure you that is not the case. I am sure every reasonable, rational male will agree with me that she should be horse whipped, once I outline the transgressions against the natural order of things.

Prepare to shake your head in woe as I relate this sad tale of perversion.,,

There I was innocently watching the Australian Sports News (beamed by Sat from Australia to ensure sanity amongst its wandering sons and daughters, cast adrift in the wide scary world). When the pretty (but ultimately evil) News presenter stated “Stay tuned for the annual footballer of the year award” Naturally, this raised a puzzled look on my face, the Brownlow had been awarded, as had the Magarey Medals…What on earth, was this bint on about?

Straight after the break, she then launched into a tirade about the = medal being football’s most sought after and went straight to the news clip…..

AAAGGGH,,,
It was BLOODY SOCCER not FOOTBALL you heretic piece of uneducated fluff!

You remember soccer, half a dozen guys who through various accidents have lost the use of exactly half of their appendages run around chasing a round ball. Meanwhile some dodgy crowd straight from the soup kitchens chants monosyllabic incantations to accompany the rioting (seen the film 28 days later, thats live english soccer footage). Well sheeeet…what else are they gunna do there is no scoring. Then after two hours of this, everyone lines up and kicks the ball at some wanker in front of a fish net (or wearing fish nets, I dunno never lasted that long to see it).

In fact upon calm, reasoned reflection, I have decided horse whipping is too good for her and her multi cultural, lesbian, leftist, whale saving, pillow biting, latte sipping, salad munching mates.

THERE’S FOOTBALL (OZ RULES), THERE’S RUGBY AND THERE’S CRICKET..

THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!

I have not been this angry since JC got to play half back flank for Jerusalem under the Father Son rule in the GRAND FINAL against the Romans.

Please note: regular rants will appear after a suitable period of mourning for the loss of cultural integrity.

THAT'S A BIT RICH

More often than not a common comment received after running any post percieved as negtive towards Indonesia is the inane "If you don't like it here leave" along with assorted abuse. I love enteraining those morons as representing as they do the very tip of masterful debate amongst the xenophobes.

Seriously, no-one who enjoys irony could ever consider leaving Indonesia. A case in point, check out this piece of slapstick printed in the JP today (but better in full here)

"JAKARTA (AFP) - Indonesia's welfare minister and his family, under fire for their company's role in an oozing mud volcano that has displaced thousands, has topped Forbes Asia's 2007 Indonesia rich list, the magazine said Thursday.

Aburizal Bakrie and his family saw their net worth blow out to 5.4 billion dollars this year, up from 1.2 billion dollars in 2006 when they were sixth on the list, according to the title's December 24 edition.

The largest contributor to their wealth gain came from surging stock prices in Bakrie Group's largest holding, coal producer Bumi Resources, it reported.

Bakrie has faced sustained criticism over the role his part-owned company Lapindo Brantas played in triggering the mud volcano in Sidoarjo, East Java, which began spurting in May 2006 during exploratory gas drilling by Lapindo.

While many experts say the company's negligence led to the flow, Lapindo maintains that it was caused by a nearby earthquake.

Some 10,000 victims have been told to accept compensation from Lapindo for their land, with no payout for other losses such as houses and material goods.

Overall, Forbes reported that the 40 wealthiest Indonesians added 18 billion dollars to their combined wealth this year, bringing it up to 40 billion dollars. The country is now home to 11 billionaires, up from seven last year.

Following the Bakries on the Forbes list was pulp, paper and palm oil tycoon Sukanto Tanoto, whose wealth increased from 2.8 billion to 4.7 billion dollars this year. He was in top spot last year.

The ranking of Tanoto, whose largest companies April and Asian Agri own massive plantations both in Indonesia and abroad, comes as his home country hosts an international conference to negotiate a new pact on climate change. (ok, help me I am about to collapse with laughter..Human body can take just so much irony)April, which has a history of clearing virgin forests, has made efforts to green its image, including sending representatives to the conference on Bali.

Deforestation is a major source of the carbon emissions that contribute to climate change.

A new face on the list was Bambang Trihatmodjo, the second son of former dictator Suharto, at number 33 with an estimated wealth of 200 million dollars. He owns 13 percent of media conglomerate Global Mediacom."

This does not even need a rant...Sorry you were saying????

But hey...net worth 5.4billion dollars..Net means after tax right..Wow..Now a serious jouranlist would just have to find out what was really paid in Tax ..wouldn't he/she?.

(so it was a little rant..)


P.S. Sorry about the photo, if anyone finds it offensive or pornographic I will take it down. Just send threatening letters in the usual manner.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND VIOLENCE

The Greenstump happens to think that good governance is not a cultural thing or political system thing but rests solely on the shoulders of a Free and Aggressive Press. The notion that any one group of people are more honest than others is a nonsense. However, the fear of exposure will keep many of the nastiest of us on the straight and narrow.

One of the things that continually puzzle me is the way people say with a straight face that a free press exists in Indonesia. It doesn't! Although this has less to do with Government Regulation and more to do with the lack of solidarity amongst journalists. The silence and acceptance when one of their brethren is attacked or threatened (legally or physically)is mystifying to someone brought up on the ideals of a free and aggressive Press Corp.

This lack of support has lead to the Conga Line of Suckholes that currently provide the schloss that passes for news and information in Indonesia...Yeesss Pak...No Pak...Thank You Pak. A quick example, why isn’t the press crawling all over this guy!
It was the world’s worst and most inept explanation for systematic corruption and yet he gets away with it. By the way, I don’t blame the plodders that actually did the deed in the linked video. Your average copper have little choice but to engage in "external" activities just to survive on the official wage not to mention the burden of repaying the entry to the force favours.

Even more of a freedom of speech concern are those who both within and outside the profession that support the suppression of free speech. Their very first plank of treachery to the people is the nebulous claim there has to an absolute responsibility for what is written. What thuggish and dictatorial rubbish!



When it comes to comments on public figures and politicians as the cartoon says “You wear green tights, ya take your chances”. In a democracy, the only way to hold these people accountable is via the press. In regard to this trust, with some notable exceptions, who are regularly left hanging by their brethren when the dark powers move in to silence their critics, the Press fails not only the people but itself.

Spare me the spurious argument that does that mean I support pornography, hate sites etc. A healthy robust reporting community exposes such evils to the light of day where they wither and die anyway. To say otherwise underestimates the readers and insults the public. Libel and slander allegations are generally is just so much floss and the last refuge of the corrupt and evil. Newspapers, Television even blogs become self regulating if allowed to conduct themselves in an environment of free speech rather than one of fear, intimidation and money favours.

It may surprise some that even blog world is self regulating if allowed to be. For instance, a regular blogging Troll happens to state that Greenstump spends a lot of time in a pool of vomit. Slander, not really, the Troll has no credibility and would not be believed by any reasonable person. Should a more respected member of the blog world say that, quite possibly it would be believed. However, continued falsehoods would quickly eat any at the site’s reputation and damage returned would be far more than the slander slung. More to the point a fair and aggressive questioning by others on dubious assertions presented (free from violence and intimidation) would soon relegate the transgressor to the dustbin of the also-rans.

However, all of the above is not the case in Indonesia which remains a scary place for any that step out of line (although difficult to know who drew the line). Even here in good ol Blog World, there is this silly notion that bloggers should not be anonymous(or allowed to be). Whilst, I concur that the very fact you are anonymous (albeit to a certain extent a delusion) detracts from the reputation of your posts for a lot of us its small price to pay for some level of protection from the small minded, the petty and the vindictive.

There is no shortage of nasties who seek to stifle free speech in ALL it's forms and strangely these "throwbacks" to darker times are supported by the most surprising of people. To suggest that there is no risk in commenting on the rich and powerful or even the just plain nasty in Indonesia is to live in a fantasy world of bizarre dimensions.

To subscribe to the notion that a writer who pokes fun and mischief at the powerful, the self absorbed and the egotistical should be held to same standard of proofs required in a court of law is absurd. Even more obscene is the suggestion, that a writer in any forum should expect (or deserve) threats of violence if they annoy someone by what they write in the public interest (whoever small or large their public may be)

Should there be standards, of course there should. As discussed previously a healthy robust writing community will and should self regulate via debate, discussion, ridicule if required. Threats of violence and the suppression of someone’s right to speak, should not be supported by “dollar each way comments” in any shape or form. It’s sad to read such comments by people with the experience to know better because there lies the road to the destruction of their own prepubescent industry.

A SMOKING RANT

Greenstump has been accused of being critical and all over the map. I prefer the term "All over the place like mad women’s shit" but I digress. Then again that’s the whole purpose of a “Rant’ isn’t it? According to the Greenstump Dictionary of barely researched words

“Rant” – To vent ones spleen and cover as many by-standers, innocent or otherwise with said contents of spleen”

Whilst some would say that Ranting not particularly clever where Freedom of Speech and the right to question is fluid, abstract concept despite rather grandiose statements to the contrary. I do have an excuse and a defence for my rants;

SANE Australia (some would say their name alone is a contradiction in terms) says people with mental illnesses
make up nearly 40 per cent of all smokers

Now there’s a defence I can get into..

Oh well that’s all for today, I will write more on the silly concept that Bloggers should not be allowed to be anonymous in Indonesia later..Right now I am ducking out for SMOKE..

“They’re coming to take me away ha ha ..he he..ha ha…Where life is beautiful all time”

CLIMATE CHANGE RANT - OVERDUE

For a country that regularly demonises others as Arrogant (Whose turn is this week anyway? Singapore, Malaysia, Australia…yawn) Indonesia acts at times like a brutish 14 year teenager. The uproar about Malaysia stealing a “so-called” Indonesian song would be “roll around on the floor laughing funny” if it wasn’t so pathetic! Since when did Indonesia show any regard at all for intellectual property rights, particularly in the movie or music arena. Pot this is Kettle over? Want a real challenge, just try and buy original software for your computer in any capital city in Indonesia! Not sure why Indonesia feels so superior to Malaysia anyway, last time it got to knuckles in the sand pit, Indonesia got a bloodied nose.

The sheer arrogance of some recent comments in the local papers and in various blogs demonstrates a very insecure and xenophobic mindset. A classic “letter to the editor” in a major Indonesian Paper today reads “Malaysia doesn’t seem to have any original art, culture, and traditions. All of it has come from Indonesia” A nice piece of paranoid, xenophobic, nationalist claptrap and a typical reaction you will find in most opinion pieces. Besides being just plain nasty, I am sure the Dayaks on the Indonesian side of Borneo will be please to know they contribute nothing in art, culture or traditions (Well if the Malay Dayaks have nothing to offer, then surely the reverse is true).

Personally, I find the outer regions and ethnic groups have far more to offer in traditions, arts and culture than the current dominant ethnic group whose origins are disappearing as transplanted eastern culture (?) threatens to overwhelm all before it. Perhaps its time for some people to grow up a bit and get out of the schoolyard mentality.

Whilst on the topic of arrogance, I am impressed! What size of balls does it take to stand on stage in Bali as a regional leader and declare you are serious about Climate Change and Pollution Issues, when your country is losing a forest the size of soccer field every second? Where over 50% of your population does not have access to clean water? Where your capital city is grid locked and its rivers run/slime black.

Climate Change and Kyoto is also big deal for the new Australian Government (For those that don’t know Australian has a new government and Prime Minister) The diminutive new Prime Minister Ear Wax sent the usual bunch of hangers-on to declare that Australia would sign the Kyoto accords (you know the one where Australia and the US should sign but China, Indonesia and India are not bound to any emission targets). Well talk about well received, as our cross eyed, tax payer funded delegate announced Australia would become a Kyoto signatory!!! Yeaaa Team!!!… Australia got not one, but two rounds of sustained applause. Too bad, it was not mentioned that even if Aliens came and spirited off every single Australian and every single industry, the combined effect on world emissions would be less than 1%...YIPPEE what a save!.Typical Australian Labour Party..long on symbolism short on substance.

Having 10,000(?) UN delegates and hangers swanning around Bali to discuss climate change is just another proof that the UN is the world’s ultimate oxygen thief. If they were serious, they might have considered having the conference in Jakarta or Bangkok or Rio but no fun in that I guess.

Still we get to listen to all the usual crap with no results. The boringly predictable “its all the fault of the US and the developed world” and poor bugger me standard (Yawn) synopsis. The big bad developed world must cut emissions and hand out swags of money to developing (more on that it dubious term in a second) nations, so we can sit on our arses and do nothing but blame someone else for all their troubles. You can almost see some of the regional delegates salivating at the money they will be able to cream off. It’s going to be a good time to be a real estate agent in Jakarta or Singapore, you can just feel that suckered aid money rolling in. Oh nearly forgot, just for laughs, Singapore wants to be considered a Developing Nation as does the UAE.

Well…bugger off!!!

There is huge difference between a developing nation (say Solomon Islands) and a retarded (say ..you guess) nation. Some of these so called developing nations have a simply staggering wealth of natural resources, including a wealth of diverse, clever people and yet their people live in virtual sewers. Climate Warming and Developed Nations have sweet FA to do with your problems. You are (in the majority of cases) not developing nations but nations retarded by thieves and inept leaders.

The only reason these nations have not developed into economic and clean, regional powerhouses is the absolute absence of forward thinking, dynamic and honest leaders and a cowed populace that accepts such losers as leaders. Instead, the poor buggers who scrape to survive in these nations are lumbered (pun intended) with a bunch of short sighted, self important, arrogant (with no reason to be), often murderous, kleptomaniacs as leaders and rest of the world just keeps looking the other way.

This pointing at the US and other developed nations is science at its most blatantly flawed. Even the most basic cost (CO2/Pollution) vs benefit (Infrastructure/Standard of Living) analysis would indicate there is a huge difference between the top three nations and what benefits actually flow to the general populace (Ok to put it plainly..out of the top three, two of you suck the big one and deserve nothing more than a gigantic kick up the arse).

Its time to stop encouraging these delinquent nations and their Harkonnenske Leaders with more cash handouts as a reward for sheer environmental vandalism, Perhaps its time for the grown ups to pour the money back into their own conservation efforts and leave the Barons to wallow in the own filth.. As for the said delinquents, you want to cut down every last stand of forest, you want to live in a permanent yellow haze and drink sewer water..fill ya boots! It’s nobody else’s fault that your rivers run black, your people are subjected to killer floods, your children die young from lack of clean water, You cannot breathe the air in your cities. If you cannot see that, then it’s not really that important anyway because very soon it won’t make any difference.

NEWSFLASH…

How’s this for arrogance. In today’s Jakarta Post, there is a Climate Conference Lift Out and within that an Advertorial (paid for by who, doesn’t say who..you whistle I’ll point). Amongst a wealth of very dubious statements comes this gem

“Experts are convinced that the mud spewing out in Sidoarjo is a natural phenomenon not a result of drilling undertaken by Lapindo Brantas Inc”
(Apparently all the experts come from the Bandung Institute of Technology..mmm .. Weren’t they the geniuses that came up with the dropping concete balls down the hole will fix it?)

And this “Lapindo Brantas has followed up on what constitutes it’s obligations and responsibility”


Thanks JP ..The defence rests but didn’t you feel just a little bit guilty putting that advertorial in the Climate Change and Environment Lift Out?

ENGLISH FOR THE PURE HEARTED

Some Pretentious twits over at INDONESIAN MATTERS (See Side Bar) are getting all hot under the collar about what makes correct Bahasa Indonesian and/or Correct English..Sorry Folks ain't no such thing...
But if you want to see a language at it's best see below, and as for the English Purists.."take the 'ole mad world as 'arf a joke."

XIV. THE MOOCH O' LIFE

This ev'nin' I was sittin' wiv Doreen,
Peaceful an' 'appy wiv the day's work done,
Watchin', be'ind the orchard's bonzer green,
The flamin' wonder of the settin' sun.

Another day gone by; another night
Creepin' along to douse Day's golden light;
Another dawning when the night is gone,
To live an' love -- an' so life mooches on.

Times I 'ave thought, when things was goin' crook,
When 'Ope turned nark an' Love forgot to smile,
Of somethin' I once seen in some old book
Where an ole sorehead arsts, "Is life worf w'ile?"

But in that stillness, as the day grows dim,
An' I am sittin' there wiv 'er an' 'im--
My wife, my son! an' strength in me to strive,
I only know -- it's good to be alive!

Yeh live, yeh love, yeh learn; an' when yeh come
To square the ledger in some thortful hour,
The everlastin' answer to the sum
Must allus be, "Where's sense in gittin' sour?"

Fer when yeh've come to weigh the good an' bad --
The gladness wiv the sadness you 'ave 'ad --
Then 'im 'oo's faith in 'uman goodness fails
Fergits to put 'is liver in the scales.

Livin' an' loving learnin' day be day;
Pausin' a minute in the barmy strife
To find that 'elpin' others on the way
Is gold coined fer your profit -- sich is life.

I've studied books wiv yearnings to improve,
To 'eave meself out of me lowly groove,
An' 'ere is orl the change I ever got:
"'Ark at yer 'eart, an' you kin learn the lot."

I gives it in -- that wisdom o' the mind --
I wasn't built to play no lofty part.
Orl such is welkim to the joys they find;
I only know the wisdom o' the 'eart.

An' ever it 'as taught me, day be day,
The one same lesson in the same ole way:
"Look fer yer profits in the 'earts o' friends,
Fer 'atin' never paid no dividends."

Life's wot yeh make it; an' the bloke 'oo tries
To grab the shinin' stars frum out the skies
Goes crook on life, an' calls the world a cheat,
An' tramples on the daisies at 'is feet.

But when the moon comes creepin' o'er the hill,
An' when the mopoke calls along the creek,
I takes me cup o' joy an' drinks me fill,
An' arsts meself wot better could I seek.

An' ev'ry song I 'ear the thrushes sing
That everlastin' message seems to bring;
An' ev'ry wind that whispers in the trees
Gives me the tip there ain't no joys like these:

Livin' an' loving wand'rin' on yet way;
Reapin' the 'arvest of a kind deed done;
An' watching in the sundown of yer day,
Yerself again, grown nobler in yer son.

Knowin' that ev'ry coin o' kindness spent
Bears interest in yer 'eart at cent per cent;
Measurin' wisdom by the peace it brings
To simple minds that values simple things.

An' when I take a look along the way
That I 'ave trod, it seems the man knows best,
Who's met wiv slabs of sorrer in 'is day,
When 'e is truly rich an' truly blest.

An' I am rich, becos me eyes 'ave seen
The lovelight in the eyes of my Doreen;
An' I am blest, becos me feet 'ave trod
A land 'oo's fields reflect the smile o' God.

Livin' an' lovin'; learnin' to fergive
The deeds an' words of some un'appy bloke
Who's missed the bus -- so 'ave I come to live,
An' take the 'ole mad world as 'arf a joke.

Sittin' at ev'nin' in this sunset-land,
Wiv 'Er in all the World to 'old me 'and,
A son, to bear me name when I am gone....
Livin' an' lovin' -- so life mooches on.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So you think thats offensive

ASSMAD THINKS AUSTRALIANS ARE RACIST..OKDOKIE


How Moses got the 10 commandments







God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."



The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"



And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."



"Can you give us an example?"



"Thou shall not kill."



"Not kill? We're not interested."




So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."



The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."



"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."




Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."



The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal."



"Not steal? We're not interested."







Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."



The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."



"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."







Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."



"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"



"They're free."



"We'll take 10."




There, that should offend just about everybody

KENAPA

Busy today...so just some Kenapas (Why)(ok its a loose translation bear with me)

Kenapa UN Conference on Climate Change is not held in Jakarta

Kenapa UN HQ is not on the WEST BANK (NEW YORK is hardly a trouble spot)

Kenapa Roads in Indonesia have white lines in the middle

Kenapa Walhi cares more about Newmont than the poor buggers stuck in the MUD at Surabya

Kenapa People still buy anything with the Bakrie on it

Kenapa People refer to countries as developing countries when the real word should be RETARDED by corrupt and evil leaders

Kenapa Singapore, UAE get to class themselves as developing countries

Kenapa - It is developed nations problem to bail the retarded (as opposed to fair dinkum developing) nations out of the shit time and again

Kenapa Siti the health minister still has job

Kenapa The Indonesian Government expects us to believe the owner of those smog spewing death trap buses are not paying brides

Kenapa The Japanese need to kill a thousand Whales a year for Research

Kenapa The Japanese Researchers have not won a prize for the being the worlds dumiest researchers (see above)

Kenapa VP Kalla reminds me of the actor in Lord of the Rings (you know the one)

HOUSE PESTS TWO

Along with the God Bothering Neighbours we have another pest problem... CATS thousands of them (ok tens of them). I hate the murdering feral pests, keen on a nice garden, lots of birds therefore feral squalling cats are not a nice nor welcome addition.

So reaching back into childhood memories (small cats aka kittens make the best Murray Cod Bait)I built a snap door trap to capture the pets of Satan. I was about to dispose of the first one..

"Why are throwing that cat in the rubbish bin full of water"

"EER..They like it..it soothes them as they watch the bubbles from the bottom"

Not a good answer..Apparently killing (soothing) a cat brings bad luck to the family and is a absolute no-no...Bugger!

Still anything to keep the peace... and peace shall reign unless the numerous small mounds that appear in the garden every time the CAT PROTECTION POLICE go shopping get noticed.

Still if they are noticed, I might go for the fairy ring defence...don't fight superstitions make up better ones...

SOUNDS OF THE FAITHFUL

"I am not an ATHEIST I just believe in one less GOD than you"


As a secular soul, one of the first things you learn when living in Indonesia is the basic truism of real estate location, location, location is still very relevant. The process is fairly simple, find the house and then drive around looking for the nearest Mosque. The closer the Mosque the less sleep you will enjoy. It also pays to come around and check out the house about the time for the evening call to prayer, hills and valleys can do interesting things with the travel of sound.

Sound (pun intended) a bit culturally insensitive! Not really places like Singapore must have a law of just how loud the Call to Prayer can be and there must be some sort of school for the Prayer Police as they manage to sound somewhat human. Indonesia by contrast just sounds full of wailing cats. A fevered desire to combine the worst public speaking (?) voice with the tinniest, cheapest speakers at full volume seems to be designed to encourage people to pray by pain alone. Worse, some idiot decide their kids playing with the microphone at full volume after prayers are cute. Here’s a tip, the kid leaning back on the plane seat making faces and the kid playing on the microphone is not cute, he’s a brat!).

(To digress, personally I would ban microphones throughout Indonesia as a health hazard! Also will someone please show the PP what the bass knob is for)

So fully armed with the hard earned above experience, the Stump sought out a new abode for us to continue life in Indonesia. Lo, a new abode was found, far from any Mosque (ok then... as far as possible in Indonesia). Come Call to Prayer time AND only muted calls could be heard....AAAH. Cool, signed the deal, moved in...All is Bliss ….UNTIL…

Tuesday Night, 8pm, car after car start arriving next door…Oh no, Christian Gospel Singers until midnight twice a week………..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If nothing else you have to appreciate God Delusion’s sense of humour…