Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A FOOTBALL IS NOT ROUND



As you know I am a liberal, easy going bloke who is at home with my own thoughts and at peace with the world. It takes a lot to get me to rant and rave BUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT…

The bitch should be horse whipped within an inch of her life and placed in the village stocks for a month and then deported to the worst place on earth or a date with buck toothed, crazy ABB.

Over the top you may think, I can assure you that is not the case. I am sure every reasonable, rational male will agree with me that she should be horse whipped, once I outline the transgressions against the natural order of things.

Prepare to shake your head in woe as I relate this sad tale of perversion.,,

There I was innocently watching the Australian Sports News (beamed by Sat from Australia to ensure sanity amongst its wandering sons and daughters, cast adrift in the wide scary world). When the pretty (but ultimately evil) News presenter stated “Stay tuned for the annual footballer of the year award” Naturally, this raised a puzzled look on my face, the Brownlow had been awarded, as had the Magarey Medals…What on earth, was this bint on about?

Straight after the break, she then launched into a tirade about the = medal being football’s most sought after and went straight to the news clip…..

AAAGGGH,,,
It was BLOODY SOCCER not FOOTBALL you heretic piece of uneducated fluff!

You remember soccer, half a dozen guys who through various accidents have lost the use of exactly half of their appendages run around chasing a round ball. Meanwhile some dodgy crowd straight from the soup kitchens chants monosyllabic incantations to accompany the rioting (seen the film 28 days later, thats live english soccer footage). Well sheeeet…what else are they gunna do there is no scoring. Then after two hours of this, everyone lines up and kicks the ball at some wanker in front of a fish net (or wearing fish nets, I dunno never lasted that long to see it).

In fact upon calm, reasoned reflection, I have decided horse whipping is too good for her and her multi cultural, lesbian, leftist, whale saving, pillow biting, latte sipping, salad munching mates.

THERE’S FOOTBALL (OZ RULES), THERE’S RUGBY AND THERE’S CRICKET..

THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!

I have not been this angry since JC got to play half back flank for Jerusalem under the Father Son rule in the GRAND FINAL against the Romans.

Please note: regular rants will appear after a suitable period of mourning for the loss of cultural integrity.

8 comments:

GJ said...

C'mon mate, if your gunna rip into those round ball Academy Award freaks at least don't mention the bloody Magarey medal for Christ sake, 'cause no one will take you seriously. Also, what's this rugby? the one they play in heaven or the league version??
The only good thing to come out of soccer is a million or so American MILF's in something called an SUV each and every Saturday.
Cheers GJ

PS The best footy team in the last 25 years maybe longer has come from north of the Tweed river

oigal said...

CJ, You seem like a nice bloke but perhaps been watching too much Soccer..

Magarey Medal..What you on about? everyone know the SANFL had the best comp until the bloody crows came and stuffed it up ..Go Double Blues..

However, if you want to talk about the last 25 years ..Arden St (Kangaroos)is no where near the Tweed River.

I like league actually, if gives blokes too pig ugly to play aussie rules somehting to do without putting on a dress and mooching about with a round ball..
cheers...
I'm off to watch a cat swim in the wheelie bin

GJ said...

I did live briefly in Adelaide, I remembr it fondly, the only place I have been kicked out of a used car yard.....go figure, maybe I asked too many questions. But you and I are about the only ones other than the winners who have any idea about the "Magarey".

OK, I concede have seen/read your style, you will kill me with facts. Can I re-define, how about the last 7 years.
I think in League the best team in the last 20 years also is north of the Tweed

Still gotta love those soccer moms!!

Cheers

GJ said...

I did live briefly in Adelaide, I remembr it fondly, the only place I have been kicked out of a used car yard.....go figure, maybe I asked too many questions. But you and I are about the only ones other than the winners who have any idea about the "Magarey".

OK, I concede have seen/read your style, you will kill me with facts. Can I re-define, how about the last 7 years.
I think in League the best team in the last 20 years also is north of the Tweed

Still gotta love those soccer moms!!

Cheers

oigal said...

Hey ..I kicked out too..although to be fair I was sleeping in the back of a sation wagon (big night)..

Laugh..facts...football ..I make them up afterall I have been barracking for Kangaroos for 127 years

Jakartass said...

Greetings my colonial cousins.

How on earth can you call Ozzie Rools football when it's predominantly played with hands (because the ball is not a ball but an ovoid)?

I'm not decrying the sport; it's a lot faster than that toff's day out, rugby, and I'm sure the Oz players are much fitter than the rugger buggers. (Has anyone analysed the homo-eroticism of a 'scrum'?)

But facts are facts lads. There's only one football and that's played with the feet because it's round.

And now you know why the Tolpuddle Martyrs were deported. They used their hands when they should have used their feet ~ and run away.

No matter, this is the season of goodwill to all men (and women) so have a good one.

Anonymous said...

Jakartass,

Good question -- they try to distract attention because the real point of the game is to feel each other's "toolboxes".

oigal said...

Assmad..anon now?