Monday, June 25, 2007

Australia Attacks

Well I wasn't going to post today but then today's headline in the Jakarta Post caught my eye "Experts Warn of Aussie Arms Spending". Wow this must be serious I thought. If a country of 25 million people (if you count those thinking about having a baby) is suddenly a threat to country like Indonesia of 235 million (give or take 25 Million). Interesting red herring...Australia's entire Australia's entire population is the error magin in Indonesia's population count.

Anyway what have those pesky, aggressive Aussies gone and done now? According to International Relations Expert (?) at the University of Indonesia, Hariyadi Wirawan, Australia going to spend A$11 billion purchasing an advanced fleet of destroyers and amphibious warships with aim of encirling China with the help of Japan and the United States.

Well all I can say the Chinese must be terrified, at the sheer size of the fleet. What does the huge fleet that has all of the region trembling consist of?

Drum Roll please...............Three destroyers and two amphibious ships. I certainly hope that Hariyadi mentioned to the US that Australia might need some help encirling China alone. Based on google figures each Australia ship in the new fleet will have to encircle 264370377.6 people each.

Hayiyardi went on to say, that regional transparency was the key to avioding insecurity and urged Australia its current move.

Well Hayiyardi, its obvious! Australia's being very sneaky, John Howard held press conference and told everyone, the type of ship, who makes them (Spain), what they can carry, what armaments, how much they cost and where they would be based. But its all part of cunning plan. The Stump has it on good authority before Australia encircles China with its five ships, its going to practice with Indonesia, lets face it thats a lot easier only 47 million people per ship. (Ok we confess, our source is a mildly pissed off shark who lost half a fin to satisfy some sicko's desire for shark fin soup, which tends to cast some doubt on everything he tells us)

Meanwhile Bantarto Bandoro from Indonesia's Centre for Strategic and International Studies said Australia's military build-up could be the beginning of a regional arms race (hey Ban Ban. get a grip!! Its five ships!)

Of course, a more logical, less smoke induced rational might just be that Australia is an island with over 60,000km of coastline to protect or if you will 12000km for each ship of the fleet.

Only question left to ask, where do you buy the wacky weed?

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Poilce brutality

Speaking of serial ...Boof heads

Ah Mates..where would you be without them!

Global Warming hits the stump

Bugger it!!

Just when I was throwing out all my winter woolies (which I had collected for the great coming Ice Age that we were assured was coming in seventies) and swapping them all for board-shorts and suntan lotion, THE BLOODY DROUGHT broke in Australia.

As of 22/6/07 Sydney’s water catchment dams were at 50% up from 39% a week before. I have always thought it was a bit bizarre not to expect droughts on the driest continent in the world but hey who I am to question the great global warming gods (previously know as the Y2K gods, the nuclear winter gods, the…never mind you get the picture).

Far be it for anyone to suggest that just perhaps Australia suffered a water shortage due to huge population increase over the past 20 years coupled with outbreak of loony greens who opposed each and every effort to build additional water catchment areas (along with everything else).

Meanwhile, other parts of Australia have experienced the coldest day in 30 years which is a bloody funny way to run a global warming program. Maybe Australia wasn’t invited?

I know that a couple of instances don’t break a model, but if the GGW acolytes can cherry pick facts, so can I. A few more of these and Al’s bell curve will invert and disappear up its own orifice dragging Al and the acolytes with it.. (Just where did the Y2K ghoulies go).

Meanwhile this is worth a visit just for fun but do bring a jumper.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


Had to make an urgent flight into Jakarta last week to accompany someone very close to me for a medical emergency.

I hereby state that those arrogant, inconsiderate arseholes who block the emergency lane are the scum of the earth.

To the guy we swiped after he repeatedly refused to clear passage..SCREW YOU TOO!! We chucked a business card at ya, do call.. I am dying to explain to you in person, in close up, extermely personal, graphic manner why you are an arsehole!

I would have loved to stop at the time but frankly we had a human being (different species to yourself) to care for and who was more important to us than some arrogant Pr**k in his new shiny car..

That being said, the medical aid we received (once we got there) was outstanding! Don't believe all you hear about the medical facilities in Indonesia (as long as you can afford to pay!!)

I now have a new hobby, whenever in Jakarta, hire the oldest wreck you can and wait for the arseholes to rip past in the emergency lane...Its just a matter of mving left a few inches.. and the fun begins