Wednesday, December 10, 2008

HOLIDAYS CAN BE MURDER



Well the Stump and branches have survived another Muslim holy day of sacrifice. Although in Indonesia (and other places) the sacrifices seem to be mainly confined to our four legged friends. By mid morning it appears every Drongo with a few dollars to spare and blunt knife is ineptly and cruelly hacking away at some poor thrashing beasts throat. Now the Stump’s regular readers (both of you) would know that the stump is no limp wrested, mung-bean vegetarian, but the slack jawed grins on these once a year butchers as the poor chosen beast has its life blood hacked out of it is a sight to put your off your steak for at least a week.

The numb-nut apologists for everything in this world will tell you that the knives are sharpened and blessed prior to each use. However, a walk through any village on Idul Adha will certainly disavow you of that quaint romantic, albeit bloody little notion. In a seriously weird "all in the family" bonding thingy, the watching of these poor animals in their death throes is a family affair and fun for all the kids (although looking at some of the kids faces its difficult to see who is more traumatised, the beast or kid). I guess it's a modern version of taking the whole family down to the village square to watch a hanging.

Of course, the Stump must confess a certain amount of bemusement on the whole notion behind religious ceremonies. If the stump has it straight, this story goes.. God appeared to Abraham and commanded him to sacrifice his son. At which point, Abraham naturally agrees to this request (as opposed to the notion, that perhaps it’s time to seek another Omi-Master) and binds his son and prepares to sacrifice him. When… with a due regard to the dramatic, God advises (and the stump paraphrase here for effect) “Ha! It was only a test! You can sacrifice a beast instead”. Well if nothing else, the story proves this particular God dude has a sick sense of humour but we knew that when he made the Arabs and Jews neighbours to see what would happen.

Now, little has been said about what the son thought about his old man hearing voices and being quite prepared to snuff him before his first stolen kiss out the back of McCamels Double Goatee Burgers on the family donkey. One can only assume that the young fella certainly looked askew at the old man the next time he suggested a father son bonding walk in the forest.

It all fairness, the notion is no more bizarre than the almost auto-erotic, cannibalistic rituals carried out by the Catholic Church. Kneel before me and accept the blood of our savior indeed (on a wafer biscuit no less)…

Oh for the straight forward bull fighting of the Spaniards. At least the bull sometimes wins.

Other chuckle-worthy news items this week:

Director General for Land Transportation at the Transportation Ministry Suroyo Alimoeso said Thursday motorists tended to drive at high speeds without heeding safety laws.
He said action was needed to take the ability to break speed limits away from motorists to minimize accidents, suggesting that vehicle engines be modified to limit speeds.
The DG went on to demonstrate his deep and profound understanding of road safety issues by declaring “earlier generations of motorbikes could only travel at 7 miles per hour, or 11.27 kilometers per hour, but that the latest models could reach 250 kilometers per hour.”

And this classic piece of nonsense
"We hope that by 2015, facilities, technology, law enforcement and good, proper driver etiquette can be achieved resulting in a zero percent rate of accidents,”

Fair Dinkum, its hard to believe these wackers can breathe without reminder instructions. The road toll in Indonesia has sweet FA to do with speed but more to do with a seemingly genetic inability to display any semblance of road sense or consideration for other road users and infrastructure that highlights the absolute failure of successive governements to represent the people's interest in any shape or form. You want to cut the road toll, arrest the idiot motorcyclist who insist on passing on the inside, on blind corners and crests (oh arrest and beat the morons who do the previous whilst carrying their six month old baby) and build a road.

As for the zero rate of accidents, could there a more nonsensical statement made in relation to the issue? Once again , one has to question where are the reporters who should be questioning and high lighting the sheer ineptness of these so called peoples representatives. Just for fun and for the sheer silliness of the press release in the Jakarta Post, please go here. It’s worth it for a belly laugh!

Chuckle Number 2 (Although, one wouldn’t be laughing if I didn’t have a escape the country clause in one’s contract)

President SBY signed off on the so called Anti Porn Law declaring that it was the right thing to do as the nation had reached on consensus on the matter.

Really??? With all due respect Mr Prez, perhaps you need to get out more without all them hangers on and lick-spittles. Then again, it is time to pander to the bullies and thugs as there is an election coming up. This is one major victory for the intolerant and nasties.

Third Chuckle..

Expatriates have been subject to "raids" to ensure all their "paperwork" is in order. Personally the Stump does not have issue with this as it is the right of the country to ensure all procedures are followed Although, we would love to know of anywhere we can find out how the $1200USD "Training Fee" per year expats charged has been utilised (Can anyone tell advise?). However, you pompous twits!! A paperwork inspection doesn not give you the right to burst into someones home or office with all the manners of an FPI thug, or expect newtonsque reaction. I loved the scene on metro tv, where the expat wife was beating the cowering official who had tried to force his way into her house. Big mistake o pompous one.. the majority of expats don't cower in fear at the mere sight of a government official, particularly if your paperwork is in order!

4 comments:

rima fauzi said...

They are murder.. this coming holiday in particular is murder to my bank account..

how are you, stump? happy holidays, k? :)

oigal said...

Hey Rima,

Have missed you :-) mainly because "puzzled" is my phones ring tone !!

Yea, The holiday is gunna be expensive..but hey its only money..

Rob Baiton said...

After a hiatus there has been a raft of posts...cool! I have been missing the unique take of the "Stump" on all things Indonesian!

The paperwork raids are a sham. I agree that the country has a right to ensure that the prevailing laws and regs are being followed. However, this goes for the "officials" ocnducting the raids as well.

In a lot of cases it is nothing more than a shake down. It appears that Indonesians are not immune from the shakedown either.

Took a taxi the other day that thought a quick jaunt down the bus lane to avoid the traffic was worth a go.

The copper sitting around waiting for a taxi driver to think it was worth a go came out of hibernation and that was that. What I learned was that the going rate now for a "traffic infringement" is 50K.

The taxi driver thought that it was 25K but that did not wash with the obviously underpaid, underfed, and underwatered copper.

Not turned off my meat. Yet, the "hacks" that call themselves the community butchers really are butchers with blunt knives resulting in a cruel and unusual end.

oigal said...

Hi Rob,

It's got worse than that with the paper work sham..Rumour has it...In a really big city (not Jak) an expat has been buiding a small business for ten years, now very sucessful but recently had a number of very aggressive low ball offers to sell the business..funnily enough..now has immigration confiscating his passport on some "technical" problem with his work permit that never existed for the previous ten years (aka when there was no major profit to be had).

Don't pay to much attention to the STUMPS take..its all shims n mirrors