Thursday, April 27, 2006

ANZ, INDONESIA & LOGIC LOOPS

Previously, I have commented on getting caught in the Indonesian Logic Loops. This is where you start a seemingly innocent conversation that due differences in perception and langauge quickly descend into a bizarre half world of confusion and segments from the book Catch 22“”.

For example..

Question: Excuse me, is that the toilet over there?”

Answer: No Toilet here (Tidak ada)

Question: What is that building?

Answer: Oh..Thats the toilet

Question: Huh.. but you said there was no toilet??

Answer: Ya (Betul)

Question: But that is the toilet isn’t it?

Answer: Ya but no key, it is locked

Question: Why is it locked?

Answer: Because no-one uses the toilet

Question: Isn’t that because it is locked?

Answer: Is locked because no one uses it

Question: Giving up) Ok is there another toilet?

Answer: Tidak ada………………tapi.........


Now to be fair, if I had kept my mouth shut at the first “tidak ada” it would have saved everyone a lot of time. Strangely enough the logic loops extend to the corporate world. Jakartassoften seems to be involved in an endless battles with various companies in Indonesia, usually about hand phone bills for non existent hand phones.

Just for a change, yesterday I had a variation on the theme, the Australian Logic Loop. As regularly happens here, my credit card number was stolen (although I still had the card, another card with my number turned up in Europe). However, the great bank god was on the job. ANZ BANK rang me to inform me my card was canceled (terrific, cancel the holiday) and they would send a replacement card.

Sure enough, after four weeks a new card arrives. The card has the ominous sticker “Please ring ANZ to activate this card”. So it begins

Me: (After listening to 25 Mins of inane music) ..Hi, I have rung to activate my credit card

ANZ Girl: Please wait and I will transfer you to the activation center

Me: Aggghh….ten mins of music….transfer ring ring..

ANZ Machine: Hi you have contacted Adam Wilson, I am not in right now please leave a message….Phone goes dead….. (Adam Wilson you are a pr&cK)..

Repeat above steps (30 Mins)

Me: Hi I have rung to activate my card, here is the number

ANZ Guy: Oh sorry, we cannot activate the card as you missed a payment last month

Me: Hang on, you guys canceled the card, therefore I cannot use the net to make the payment

ANZ Guy: You will have to come down to a branch and make a payment

Me: I am 3000km from a branch

ANZ Guy: I cannot activate the card until you make a payment

Me: I cannot make the payment until you activate the card. Look at your screen, payment was made in full every month until you canceled the card

ANZ Guy: I will transfer you to someone who can help….beeeeeeeeeeeeeep.. phone dead (Another Pr#ck)

And so it went on for 7 more calls until finally I got hold of ANZ’s "Debbie". Explained the situation and in less than two minutes, card was activated, payment made and everyone happy (ish).

Debbie... you should be running the Bank not trying to fly with the turkeys.

7 comments:

indonesia-anonymus said...

Good to know that such idiocy also happens there.
We share your annoyance of being put on hold for -well- for..ever.

Outsource to India or something. They'll pick up in one ring.
Or if not, some bollywood tunes would be a nice change...

IndCoup said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
oigal said...

Indonesia Anon,

Idiocy is not country based, I just usually tend to write more about what happens here because this is where I am.

Indcoup,

Mate, I am not even in the same league as you..laugh...banks ..I hate the mongrels

Anonymous said...

Me: Hang on, you guys canceled the card, therefore I cannot use the net to make the payment

is this true?? you needed your credit card to pay ur credit card?????

oigal said...

Yea true, when they cancel the card they cancel ALL remote access to the account, so you cannot conduct ANY transactions until the account is re-activated...

Gets better..health account..when to pay that but forgot what my post box number was back in oz and they would not let me pay over the phone!? Now I could understand if was making a claim but I was trying to give them money??

Jakartass said...

And back to my woes, if I may.

You may recall that I tried for a few weeks to pay Indovision but only succeeded last Tuesday in paying for a changed package including Star Movies.

This week Indovision was dropped by Star ~ presumably for not paying the licence, so we now don't get Star Movies or Sport.

How long do you think it will be before I get my refund?

oigal said...

yea..No Star TV and did you read the extermely dodgy reason (bahasa version) why Star was canceled.

I have sent a copy of the Indovision version to Star in Hong Kong..perhaps Star's rely will make interesting reading..perhaps it was you Jakartass not paying that bloody bill